FILM FESTIVAL : THE HUMAN DEATH DANCE

Special thanks to Colby Barton for the reading.

Victoria Winters...

Dear Victoria,


i know you're in me screaming.
yelling, and cursing as loud as you can.

but i'm sorry i can't let the dog into the house.

you must hate me. hate me taking you out, then putting you back up on a dusty old shelf.
because you know you're to much for the kids to handle.

i know it hurts being stuck inside a cave of bones and all you have is a torch that lights up half my brain.  you hate me when i grab buckets of water and throw it on your fire because i cant take the heat.

but maybe you just want more time in the light.

maybe we just need to go to the doctor. And have them remove my disease entitled "Victoria Winters"


But being sick isn't all bad.

 I have something for you...

                                       

PS: Thanks for keeping me company in english all these years.

-Madeline Cottle

PSS: This post is the twin post to "I wish I was Victoria", and it is Victoria and you talking, if you didn't know. 

"innocence" ( like dirt )

the clouds drip,
just like the mind
as it reaches for a cup of tea.

but you are too busy
to notice

you are living.

you are living.

it is remarkable.

there is shimmering dust on your words
that gets trapped in my lungs
where it blossoms
into flowers

life.

blooming life.
blooming
into your body of "innocence"

@ you.

hey man
boy
whoever you are

its hard for me to write this
because i dont want it to mean less than it should

but here it goes

i didn't know you would make me non existent

but as i talked to you the ice caps started to melt
and i felt so heavy with love
that i could sink right into the sidewalk

i let my cup burn into my hand that night
leaving a round circle shaped like a cage

but i just wanted to say

im sorry

im sorry for the things that happened.

            because no matter how beautiful the apology
            there is just no decorating pain

so i guess this is a goodbye

a migration from the madness in the parts of ourselves we tried to hide,

a goodbye to my hand extended out to you
but touching only emptiness

a goodbye to the final tick of the clock
and the promise of a lonely lost heart that said she would never leave.

the disbelief of the shadows and dust
and the fading embers
of a once magnificent fire.

a goodbye to the unselfish times we wept, felt, loved, and lost everything we had.
together.

and in my head
i hold the blooming folds of each time we laughed and cried,
echoing, still, in the landscape of my mind,

saying to me,
goodbye.

Nerves

"Nerves"

I was drained.
I had designed an icy track at 90 miles an hour.
A part of me wanted to continue on, but I knew I couldn't take it.
We would just trail off,
contemplating the smile across his face...
That was in April.
June decided that competition was mostly love without the race.

They must think there is something to it.
Jumping, or bounding leg movements...
I'm faster than I've ever been,
and my strength comes from him finding a way to bring light to whatever situation he faces.

Its a thrill,
to be able to control your own nerves.
It's just incredible.

Hold On...

like the arrival of hospital patients
i fall downstream,

just so i can break more bones

but this swing set wont swing itself
so i lift off with my feet,

flying just the same.

Like A Newborn With Broken Wrists

like a newborn with broken wrists,
i like start each day
looking closely...

if having a fish means i need water
or having a car means i need gas
or having a dog means i need food,

then i would rather read the rules of my own skin instead.

washing it clean...
then making it dirty again..

i hide myself in the folds of my clothes
glancing into the outside world
as if it were a funeral.

because
when they ask me about death,
I tell em' I could trace a line
from my parents house
to theirs
with my own gushing blood
and they still wouldn't understand.

so that's why i cringe.

because i want to draft
all the thoughts from my head
onto the nearest tree
and watch them grow into somebody else's problem.

and these days
my eyes light up with bulbs
because everyone is always watching
so you might as well give em' a show.

but i cant afford
to be asked
how i'm doin
anymore without one of them going out.