Ive been trying to make peace with myself, one brick at a time.

Ive been trying to make peace with myself

one brick at a time

but I don't think I'm ready.

maybe I dont want peace
because the way I write
disturbs the truth
that I'm just not ready to hear. 

maybe I dont want peace 
because I had a crush on Alice S Blackwell last year
but knew I couldn't afford to love.

maybe Ive been trying to make peace with myself 
since 5th grade
and still got a long way to go.

I truly can't
make peace

Ive tried.
Ive tried.

my exposed brain chemistry 
could make me the most intriguing 
and beautiful creature to ever live,

yet I still think my brain-

who's knotted ribbons
unspool stories on the floor- 

has failed me.

maybe its that i am beautiful
but just haven't realized it yet

maybe my head hangs too low,
from my dangling neck,
keeping the passion away bones,

yet l hang onto the artery like a halo.

maybe i should let go.

I was never meant to live this long anyways.

because brick by brick
I was built to fall apart
like the steadiest of houses
crumbling at my feet.

I stand alone
along with the fires in my heart
that rage while I
wait to be the last one standing.

solitary
and abandon.

brick
by
brick.